What if?

I’m dealing with my own sadness in the past few days.. I’m struggling on my  own.. the dream of carrying a baby of my own hunts me..

It’s what if i didnt remove it? Maybe I already can check his heart beat with the doctor.. and we are already in the Philippines..  trying to repaint a part of my room with light colors for my child..

I’m just sad and i dont know.. I just said I’m ok.. I’m good.. I’m better.. but I dont feel that I am..