He blocked me….

I don’t know how can I explain.. I’m so damn tired.. As in the true meaning of tired.. working 10h30 till 12h30 as I requested for a 30mins early out.. then 13h till 18h with too many things to do.. but why I keep on smiling even how tiring it is? It’s because of Him.. Even a simple conversation that I know he is smiling with “ahahaha” or simple joke.. makes me smile and as if i drink an energy drink loool.. he simply makes me happy… that’s why a simple Hi.. Goodmorning honey.. Goodnight honey..  matters as if it’s my energy drink and my happy pill.. 😊😍😊

I want to make him smile everyday.. I want to make him happy.. I want to give him a hand to lift up his spirit.. I want to be his shoulder as he wanted to crash down.. I want to be his feet when he can’t move because of tiredness… I want to be his hands when he can’t grip as his hands is so tired… I want to be his arms as everything becomes to heavy.. I wanted to be his eyes so he can close his to be able to rest..

And to add on the spice..

I wanted to be his couch so he can rest on me.. 😍😍😍

Yeeeeyy I’ve seen him again after a week? Though it’s just in metro lol.. but it’s ok.. I know he is busy and going on the difficult phase at work.. As he looks older yet he’s birthday is on January lol.. just wanna asked how is he.. if i just can help him in some ways I will just make him rest a bit..

Just wanna give him a HUG and send my message through my Hug that he can make it and loosen up a bit..

Good thing he has his cuteee little him to make him smile each day.. As he is indeed a Good papa..  it always makes me smile when they have time together.. Imagining things that he is playing and exhausted in running around lol.. salute for being a good father.. 😍😍😍

Once in our life we experience downfall.. we experience failure and we experience lost.. but in times of that.. we should see the bright side in every situation.. that you won’t be able to define the real HAPPINESS without this.. Life is survival of the fittest.. and we have to experience worst to have the BEST..

We may have it in wrong time.. but atleast we are able to have it.. we have just to take care of it and be happy till it last.. As there is a saying that happiness don’t last but it’s up to us when will it last..

As for me.. I’m happy though we just have a little time as we speak for having a difficult season but still I’m happy to know he still there and I’m looking forward to the next day or half day spend with him..

I’ve been an ASS last week.. or let’s say TOTAL ASS lol.. As I’ve been paranoid that makes him angry that I thought I would totally lost him.. I hope I still don’t..

Again.. this is Me.. 🙂

Hearing about the news shocked me.. kills me and want to trade my self over this little one…

I still remember the day you were born.. there’s a thunder storm and nobody can assist your mommy except from me.. even I’m so tired that time.. I still attend her till we reach the hospital.. and seeing you the first time makes my heart warm.. like to carry u but can’t cause ur in the nursery..

Every time I visit you for ur vaccine.. feeding program and health care visits.. you always jump over me.. and you call me “tita ganda (tita beautiful)”

And now your Gone.. I can’t imagine that this is coming.. I haven’t even say goodbye to you when I come here..

Bye bye baby Ethan..  Tita Kath loves you.. please give my hug to my little angel in heaven..

It’s been a wonderful day with the person so special to you.. even it’s just a sneak date.. it’s SPECIAL..

The feeling is so unexplainable.. I don’t know why.. I really don’t know.. even just seeing him at my back when he arrives… my heart beats stops for a second or two.. then when we ride on his car.. it’s as if were the only person in the world.. then just a smack.. can’t explain.. then we watch the movie he wanted to watch even before… I love the feeling when i was in his shoulder.. the feeling that I can rest and lay down even forever (but can’t be).. I have watched lot of movies but it’s the first time that I felt that way watching.. love to hold his hand.. massage his tired hands.. God I can’t define this..

Then we went out the mall.. he drives and hold my hands.. sounds just ordinary but for me it’s SPECIAL..  with a good and extra ordinary scenery.. I love nature.. and I enjoy it more cause I’m with someone special..

Then we had our moment together.. I was a little bit sad when he keeps on asking for the schedule of the train that I wanted to cry.. I felt he wants me to go.. even I wanted to stay.. but we talked about it..

I really can’t explain the feeling.. I just can’t..  I had with my past relationship but I have never felt this.. he says I’m a gift to him but I find the opposite.. he is a gift to me.. or he is a temporary gift with expiration.. 😞😞 May I asked when is the best before if there’s an expiration..

We planned and excited for the next day or half day together.. much more on April.. he even told me.. if I haven’t find someone on April.. Lol I’m not looking not searching for anybody.. he might not be mine but I’m hers..

There’s no turning back.. want to be with him until he can.. until we can.. not days.. not weeks.. not months.. can I request? Can it last atleast a year…..

MR. DG.. I want you to know.. I’m here.. and I’m not going anywhere.. I’ll stay here until we can.. until you say stop.. can’t say the words that I wanna say cause ur not Mine.. but thanks for this day.. I feel so happy and it’s heaven by your side.. 😍😍😍

We were together yesterday.. don’t know why I’m happy even just a 5mjns of being with him.. ride in same train going to …. Then a little confession on his part.. a short but heart warming hug.. Then it’s done.. but I love those short moments..

In the evening.. after came out in our work.. we see each other in Vavin then walk till montparnasse.. it’s just a walk but I enjoyed it and I can walk in hours with him.. and a short hug and he kissed me on my forehead.. I find it so sweet and it touches my heart..

I can’t say how happy am I.. I just love this feelings.. it completes me.. it makes me smile.. hmmm… Mr. D

As I wake up this morning.. I know I’m already in BiG trouble.. God!.. I thought I can hold it.. I can suppress it but I’m here already.. I felt it..

What should I do? 😭😭😭 what can I do?? 😭😭😭

I love him!!!!

I was happy and almost in the clouds.. when I got his confession..

I was deeply hurt that I wanted to shout!!! I want to asked so damn why!!! I bare every thing.. all the stories about me.. my family.. even the pictures of them, I showed everything.. but him… He is not the person I’ve known..

Yes I’m noboby.. who am I? I’m just a girl who just met in chat Room.. a mistress as I may speak.. how many lies do I need to encounter? What about his feelings.. is it also a lie? He just a like a physical relation.. haisssttt..

I don’t know what should I feel right now.. what I’m feeling.. something has change..

Haaaaiisssttt.. don’t fall so deep..

😭😭😭😭 He is not Mine… I know!!! even if I wanted to talk to him.. even I just needed a Hi.. he can’t.. or he don’t like.. I don’t know.. he is with his family.. with his wife.. with his real girl.. 😭😭😭 Mr. Fate.. Common.. I should have blame you for this.. for letting us meet together over and over again..

It’s a four letter word that slowly getting stronger.. getting deeper..

Can You tell me?.. Will you soon be gone?